It's Complicated

Or so she says. That was her response to the question.

I asked her if she loved me. Well she finally explained herself to me, FINALLY! Teenagers! (sigh) She said she loves me as a friend, but not as a parent. Apparently, she used to love me as a parent, but she decided she didn't like the way I handled things when I found out she slept with her boyfriend.

Personally, I think I reacted the way any sensible father would react when he finds out that his 15 year old daughter had sex. And with the very condoms I gave her!! THAT WASN'T PERMISSION!! I gave those to her as a "just in case" scenario happened to ever present itself. You know how kids can get...they start making out and one thing leads to another. BUT NO, she makes plans and lies to us about where she's going to be, just so she can do "the deed".

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, the love issue. So now I have to "build" things again, let things grow. She said she doesn't need a father right now. Well, she doesn't know what she needs. (What teenage girl really does?) She may think she doesn't need me, or feel that way right now. She sure doesn't seem to mind that I care for her, and accepts my affection and material support without question.

My girlfriend says to give it time, but when Amanda has already conveyed those feelings once, it's hard to just go back and to ignore them. After all, having a daughter has always been a dream of mine. And when she told me last Christmas that she loved me (out of the blue even!), it was genuinely a dream come true. My heart melted. This 15 year old girl opened her heart to me and shared something very special, now she tells me that she lied and never meant it, and that she was only talking about it ever as a friend. Yeah right... Who knows what she really means.

If she meant to hurt me, she succeeded.

This is turning out to be a great holiday season (!)